Damn you Gummy Tummy Penguins!!!

Spock, drop some red matter into the black hole, because we are going back in time to change the future. Remember in 2001 B.B. (Before Blogs) when I was writing book reviews and send them around by email? In the preamble to my Harry Potter review, I wrote this:

"So when we were kids, I absolutely loved Halloween. We used to create original costumes on shoestring budgets, get hopped up on sugar, and raise a little hell. At 27, Halloween is still my favorite holiday except now I usually craft better costumes, over-indulge in alcohol, and go looking for trouble. The thing I really love about this particular occasion is that it’s not religious (any wica-type pagans in the audience can respectfully spank me), possesses a couples-neutral vibe, and is fun for all ages. When I have kids, I won’t lie to them about Santa or the Easter Bunny. However, we will work long and grueling hours on our jack-o-lanterns in between costume design and perfecting the patent pending gummy worm liquid infusion process… okay, maybe I shouldn’t have kids for a while."

I guess I should have gotten on it.  Those mo-fos at Trader Joes found a French company that beat me to the punch.  Gummy Tummies Penguins have liquid infused gummy tummies.  The tummy juice comes in three different flavors and they are great!  


Another, shoulda coulda woulda moment.  I have all these crazy ideas that I think are pretty good.  I forget about them.  Then a few years later, Presto!  Someone is doing it.   Maybe it is about time I got on those bacon wrapped hot dog prototypes!!!  tick tock. tempus fugit.

Cake Wrecks

So you all know about cake wrecks, right? The cake wrecks lady has been blogging for about ten months now, but she seems to have captured lightening in a bottle with her cake-y goodness. I think she is hilarious. My favorite posts are called missed marks. These posts depicts a positive example of what the cake ought to be:



followed by the wreck:



The pictures are great, but the best part is her snarky comments. So go visit cake wrecks. It is good.

Sushi Party!!!

Every year, Jenny throws a party and makes a metric ton of sushi for her birthday. This is always funny because if you've been to Ryan and Jenny's house, you know that the place is covered almost wall-to-wall with various fish tanks. I can't help but to imagine all the fishes watching from their tank perched above the kitchen counter:

"Dude, what's for dinner?"

"Oh crap, do you see what she's doing?"

"Is that Lenny?"

"Oh the horror!!! The horror!!!"

As usual, the sushi was excellent. However this year because Bex was able to attend, we got a one-two punch of tasty treats. In keeping with the theme, Friday Rebecca stayed up late and made some sushi cupcakes. Sushi cupcakes ruined any chances of leaving the party without overstuffing my face. Here are the pics... no, none of this is real sushi. It is all cupcake-y goodness.

Eat one for me Boys!!!

Unfortunately, your humble narrator was forced to hang-up the blue bathrobe. Once, I soared high up in the clouds and dared to touch the sun, but my wax tipped feathers failed and I spiraled back down to the harsh cold sadness that is Corporate America.

Chained to mission statements by my Blackberry, I will not be able to partake in Denny's latest bargain-y goodness:



Tim, Joel, Frank, Terrance, John, my friends, my countrymen, my compatriots, my brothers, eat a Grand Slamwich for me, your fallen friend.

Psycho for my Doughnuts

On Saturday, Bex took me to the world famous Psycho Doughnuts on Winchester in Campbell. For Walter who is too cool to read my blog, Psycho Doughnuts is one building down from Hero Comics.

Remember the SATs? Well lets try one:

Psycho Doughnuts is to Krispy Kreme as
(A) The Transformers :: The Go-bots
(B) David Cook :: David Achuleta
(C) Sean Connery :: Roger Moore
(D) Neil Patrick Harris :: Fred Savage

Got your #2 pencil? Please make sure to fill in your circle completely. Okay done?

(A) is the wrong answer. While the Transformers were definitely much cooler than their cheap knock-offs, the Go-bots, the Go-bots were always a joke. Even by Superfriends standards the Go-bot cartoons were always lame. Meanwhile the Transforms were the knockout punch on the one-two GI Joe / Transformer combination. Optimus Prime is a bad-assed 18-wheel semi. I think the main Go-bot villian was a easy-rider bike named Chopper. Pity the poor kid who showed up to the playground after Christmas with a pocket full of go-bots. Since Krispy Kreme was once cool, it should never be compared to the always sucktastic Go-bots

(B) is the wrong answer. Sure, sure, David Cook rocks the mic when compared to Archie. However the battle lines on this Idol war were drawn at puberty. No one over 14 could possible admit to being an Achuleta fan but kids will love Psycho Doughnuts.

(C) is the wrong answer. Despite popular belief, both Sean Connery and Roger Moore suck. They are both terrible terrible actors. Words can not describe how awful they are. I will blog about this later upon request, but the only thing (C) Sean Connery :: Roger Moore could be the correct answer to is Elephant Shit :: Paper Cuts

By process of elimination, the correct answer is (D) Neil Patrick Harris :: Fred Savage. You see Fred Savage used to rock in wonder years. There had been childhood stars before, but the Fred-man kicked it up a notch. Like Krispy Kreme, we eventually got tired of his overly sweet one-note nostalgia. Then NPH hit the scenes. Boy doctor. That's crazy. That's psycho. Just when we get used to the taste, NHP re-invents himself and gives us something new... just like PSYCHO DOUGHNUTS!!!!

Don't believe me? Check this out:

Barbecue Joe and Captain Kirk

Listen up folks because I've been sitting on this one for a while, and it is definitely blog-worthy. So as some of you know, my old man is Barbecue Joe.



What I am about to tell you is LEGEND... wait for it... DARY!

This Christmas, Barbecue Joe sold a Traeger Smoker to Captain Kirk himself, Mr. William Shatner. But that's not all!!! Pops also included a day's worth of secret grilling lessons as part of the package. Mom and Pops drove down to LA-LA land and catered the protein for Shatners' Oscar Party.

Don't believe me? check this out:



The only role your humble narrator played on this away mission was organizing the delivery of the smoker from the freight company to Shatner's abode. My pinball shipping experience came in handy; but Bob, who is a piano mover by trade, really hooked me up.

Next on the agenda for Barbeque Joe is the Memphis in May barbecue competition. He's assembling a team now including Mike and Aimee who have relocated in Tennessee.

Nacho Libre!!!!

And this is the reason why I'm on a first name basis with the Taco Bell employees down the street:



"Three five layer nachos, Marc?"

"You know it!"

Dead Man Walking

Mr Andrew Puzder

CEO CKE Restaurants

Dear Mr. Puzder,

My name is Marc Marasco and I have been a loyal Carls Jr customer for over 30 years.  For the love of all that is holy and good, I implore you to end your recent promotion of Two Western Bacon Cheeseburgers for $5.

Refined to its purest essence, your Western Bacon Cheeseburgers are haiku in cheesy burger form.  With most cheeseburgers, I waste precious digestive energy on lettuce, tomatoes, and other leafy rabbit food nonsense.  The Western Bacon Cheeseburger has no tolerance for these trifles.   Perfection is a trifecta of patty, cheese, and bacon supplemented with a fried onion ring for crunch and barbecue sauce for texture.   The flavors are poetry to my taste buds and impossible to resist at the 2-4-5 price point.

Please please end this sweet sweet torture.  I can not continue to consume your Western Bacon Cheeseburgers at this rate and live to tell about it.  However if I do die prematurely of cardio vascular failure, I relish in the fact that I will eat your Western Bacon Cheeseburgers every day in heaven. 

Respectfully,

Marc Marasco

Best Wife in the World

Rebecca and Lauren started a 21-day diet that they found in Shape magazine. Because she loves me and is worried about my junk food lifestyle, Rebecca put me on the diet as well. Sometimes I get hungry, but the food is pretty yummy and there are snacks. She prepares most of the food for me, so all I have to do is mix stuff together or heat up food. Here are a few of the meals that Rebecca made for me.

This was a spinach omelet I ate for breakfast yesterday. Generally I hate spinach omelets but Bex changed the recipe by adding onions:



Lunch today was a tasty spinach salad with a really strange dressing and some cuties. I accidentally quadrupled the amount of cuties I was supposed to add.



I have the best wife in the world.