Wolverine: This is Gonna hurt.

Wolverine is ridiculous. A fan favorite, Marvel reinvents Wolverine to be all things to all people, milking the franchise to the point of stupidity.

In the beginning Wolverine was a part of the Canadian secret weapons project to take out Wendigo and Hulk. What? The Marvel poster boy is Canadian? Maybe Eugene wouldn't hate comic books so much if he knew that in the 1980's there was a whole Canadian team of super heros called Alpha Flight. They were lead by this guy:



Don't let the cover fool you Eug, Alpha Flight was as weak as the Canadian Dollar circa 1984. So that wouldn't do. When American Ninja hit theaters and Ninjas were all the rage, Wolverine turned Japanese. He became some sort of ninja samurai in a four issue limited series.



Sometime around then, the X-men went into space and Wolverine fought alien insect things that looked a whole lot like Ripley's Aliens. I went away from the world of comic books for a while and when I came back there were about thirty Marvel titles and half of them had some version of Wolverine in them. We had futuristic John Conner returns back through time Wolverine, Old School cowboy Wolverine, Feral Animal Wolverine, and Special Black Bag Ops Wolverine. Crazy Huh?

So now that Wolverine is all things to all people, I'll lay even odds that PG-13 Origin Story Wolverine is going to suck. I just don't know how you can make a movie about a stone cold killer with knives on his arms and make it PG-13 and make it cool. Don't get me wrong, I'll see the flick, but I'm not expecting much. Actually, I feel much the same way about the new Trek movie.

Maybe it'll be good... maybe a guy can dream... maybe just maybe....

Book Review: Water for Elephants (2006)

In Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen spins the tale of Jacob Jankowski, a Cornell vet student who flees the tragic death of his parents by joining a depression era circus train. Set against the big top backdrop, Gruen tells the timeless story of boy meets girl, boy meets elephant, girl loves elephant, boy loves elephant, dwarf-clown love paraplegic aging drunk.

The story and the characters themselves aren't very compelling but what makes Waters for Elephants great is that Gruen very quickly submerges the reader in a fascinating behinds the scenes world of the 1930's circus. Like all great depression era yarns, she frames the story Titanic / Green Mile style with the elderly protagonist describing flashbacks in an assisted living home. The audiobook smartly plays up this literary device with dual narrators that fit the young and old Jankowskis admirably. I recommend this book to all my friends and elephants everywhere.

Wedding Slideshow

Over the past couple of months, whenever I have felt down,  I would point my browser over to Jules Bianchi's blog to watch our wedding slideshow.



Jules is such a talented photographer, I feel very fortunate that we could secure her for the ever popular 06.07.08 date. All of her weddings were fabulous. Check out her Greatest Hits slideshow to see some of the other photos.

Unfortunately the I/T goon squad at my new gig categorizes Jules Bianchi as pornography and blocks all my access at work. WTF is up with that? There was nothing pornographic about my wedding :(

Sushi Party!!!

Every year, Jenny throws a party and makes a metric ton of sushi for her birthday. This is always funny because if you've been to Ryan and Jenny's house, you know that the place is covered almost wall-to-wall with various fish tanks. I can't help but to imagine all the fishes watching from their tank perched above the kitchen counter:

"Dude, what's for dinner?"

"Oh crap, do you see what she's doing?"

"Is that Lenny?"

"Oh the horror!!! The horror!!!"

As usual, the sushi was excellent. However this year because Bex was able to attend, we got a one-two punch of tasty treats. In keeping with the theme, Friday Rebecca stayed up late and made some sushi cupcakes. Sushi cupcakes ruined any chances of leaving the party without overstuffing my face. Here are the pics... no, none of this is real sushi. It is all cupcake-y goodness.

Bro Code Article 5

"Bro Code Article 5: Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports."

Did you catch that sharks game last night?  3-2 win in overtime?  holy crap what a rush!!!  Go sharks! high five!  fist bump!  super cool!!!!!

Suck it Mario !

I will not spend another dime on Nintendo games lacking Wii motion plus support. Let's face it folks, the vanilla Wii controller is a good pointing device, but it fails completely for all motion sensing games. Don't believe me? How many one foot putts do you swing in golf? How does your Mii map to your punches during boxing? Why is cracking a virtual cooking mama egg infinitely harder than cracking an egg in real life? The damn thing is an horrible joke of a fad and the whole world has bought into it.


Here is the fix to the kludge:




Doesn't that rock!?!?! How awesome would a game like Force Unleashed be with some of that UE? I hear Tiger Woods will be one of the first wii motion plus games. Greg will be so happy. Why buy another golf game until that comes out?

Now my only question is "will the Wii have enough processing power to support 1:1 motion and respectable graphics, or will they just sit on the technology and deprive us of good games?" Part of me is actually rooting for the Microsoft IP goon squad to borrow and steal (they never beg) around these patents to give me something awesome to play.

Lets Say for Argument's Sake, I'm Not Smart

Over the last two weeks we saw Adventureland and Twilight. Both movies feature Kristen Stewart as the leading lady. Adventureland's troubles extend far beyond the reach of Steward, but she renders Twilight unwatchable. Thirty minutes into the flick, eyes a bleedin', I couldn't help thinking she ruined any potential with her stuttering blinky constipated acting. Observe:



I know why Bella would be attracted to a vampire, who wouldn't? If someone offered me immortality and superpowers, my only pause for thought would be "Should I turn Karma as well so I'd have an immortal dog? or would she just go around causing problems killing too many people? I'd probably have to go bite Cesar Milan to get my vampire puppy right in the head."

But Stewart makes Bella such an unappealing downer, I was kinda hoping the Frog Brothers would drive up from Santa Carla and stake the whole lot of them. Okay, the Lost Boys was a crap movie. I can admit that now. But it kicked ass in 8th grade and I'm gonna go out on a limb by saying "the chick who played Star and Jason Patrick done up the teenage vampire movie twice as good as Stewart and Cedric." Who wants awkward boring vampires anyway? This Twilight thing has got to go. It is just one more example of the pussification of our American youth.

Survey Says: Pinballs by Production Date

Poll closed. "By Production Date" won.

I voted "By Popularity". It just makes sense to me to space out the good ones so that you can optimize the number of people playing pins. I'll wind up packing the machines in so tightly that I really have to account for the crowd control.

Chuck Norris is a Wuss

Ok. Maybe Chuck Norris is not a wuss. I'm just saying that because I hope he gets pissed, kicks down my door, and hits me. Then my days would consist of waking up late, walking to the mailbox, and cashing my check from Chuck Norris' lawyers. I could go a long way on that Walker Texas Ranger money.

But seriously, what's the big deal with Chuck Norris? Despite the internet hype, he is not an invincible bad-ass. Truth be told, Chuck is a right wing, gun loving weirdo who wants to roundhouse kick the Theory of Evolution in favor of Intelligent Design. But, that's ok. Chuck doesn't have to agree with my political beliefs to garner my respect

He does, however, need to star in one good movie. Can you think of a passible Chuck Norris movie? Go ahead, try. Name one if you can. It ain't the Octagon, nor Side Kicks. Chuck Norris' only legendary on-screen performance was his debut in Way of the Dragon. You remember that one don't you? When Bruce Lee kicked the living shit out of him. Here is a refresher:



Who's the tough guy now, Chucky?

Editor's Note: As a working stiff, I have to write many of my posts ahead of time and then schedule out over the weeks. Just last night, I saw a TV commerical stealing this exact idea... well they didn't call Chuck Norris a wuss, but they did reference his ass-kicking in WoD. Son-of-bitch! I knew getting a job was going to screw up my life!!!

The Bro Code : Article 24

"When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped."

Book Review: Ender's Game (1985)

I always wanted to read the immensely popular Ender's Game because I heard it was great sci-fi. Unfortunately, I never got around to it because I also heard Orson Scott Card was some weird homophobic Mormon nut-job. Enter the lazy man's solution: Audio books!



So here's the lowdown. Ender's Game is set in a future Starship Trooperesque world where mankind has barely fended off two large scale attacks from the buggers, a mysterious race of space insect aliens. Preparing for the third and final man-versus-bug showdown, the combined forces of human civilization decided that it would be a good idea to form an elite space commander school, recruit screwed up little kids into the program, then mold them into perfect children soldiers with cruelty and deceit. The novel focuses on one particular kid, Ender Wiggin, who gets a quadruple dose of Full Metal Jacketness because the army recruiters think he is some kind of "chosen one" destine to lead our fleet against the buggers and win.

So who is going to like Enders Game? Well anyone who never got over being a misunderstood grade skipping nerd in high school will identify with Ender. Folks who went through the military may jive with the ends-justify-the-means emotional torture. Highly competitive type-A lawyer doctor people may also enjoy the show.

Who is going to hate Enders' Game? Chicks. Moms. Artists.

I dug the audio book. It was well voiced and the story was compelling, the protagonist earned my empathy, and the length was appropriate. My one criticism involves the ending which seems tacked on and poorly formed. A little wikipedia told me that Orson Scott Card milked the Ender's Game universe for the next 20 years fleshing out all the ins and outs of the story... so I guess that's just my bad....

Still, I can't help wondering "why are sci-fi villians always insects or robots who want to look like insects?"

What should I "READ" next?

Greetings friends and neighbors! This is the time for audience participation. As you know, I'm commuting with audio books. You can help by navigating to the All Ears website and recommending my next book. The website provides a simple search and a browse by category feature. So just look through the list and comment to this post with your suggestions. Thanks a million!

I'm All Ears!!

On a good day, San Leandro is 48 minutes from Casa de Marasco. Normally such a commute would swallow my soul like so many Deadites in the woods. However, I have partnered with the fine folks at All Ears AudioBooks to reclaim my road time. Situated a few blocks from my in-laws at El Paseo Mall, All Ears AudioBooks charges me about $30 a month. In return, Bex and I are entertained by a constant supply of literary fodder.  The trick is to rent a book, copy the mp3 files to my iphone, return the book, and get one for Rebecca.  Rinse, wash, and repeat every week.  This way I get about 2 hours of effortless reading time a day and can finish 4-5 books a month.  Good stuff, I'd say.  Look forward to all my Marcalicious book reviews.  Same bat blog.  Same bat channel.

Meet Bo, America's first Dog.

America's first dog, Bo, is a Portuguese Water dog. The dog was a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy

Garage Sale Goodies

Here is the stash of cash from our last two garage sales:



Between the two of them we brought in about $600. This paid for my PS3 and a bunch of random crap. Unfortunately getting rid random crap was the driving force behind the garage sales.

I also learned something the other day, people will look through a pile of crap priced at fifty-cents for twenty minutes and try to bargain you down to a quarter. Yet when you put it out on the curb for free, they will just run away with your shit.

Pinball Lineups?

Greeting True Believers. In an exhuastion-induced moment of weakness, I have allowed myself to consider gameroom arrangement in the ethereal Barbie Dream House.

So I ask you fellow pinheads, collectors, and devotees of the silver ball. What is the best way to arrange your lineup? The choices are limitless, but here are a few suggestions:

• You could go the straight and narrow, and arrange by the predictable production dates. This would give you a nice appreciation of your various machines' respective place in history.
• You could group by theme, placing blue box nature themes in one category, movie themes in another, and leave an empty splace next to your Attack from Mars for the eventual Revenge From Mars (oh it will be mine).
• You take the insider approach and arrange your machines by designer, revealing where you fall on the Lawlor / Ritchie debate. Or maybe you sort by programmer as we can all admit that the newer Sterns are all about the software.
• You could arrange by utility, spacing out the most popular players to maximize your playing comfort.

What say ye?

Eat one for me Boys!!!

Unfortunately, your humble narrator was forced to hang-up the blue bathrobe. Once, I soared high up in the clouds and dared to touch the sun, but my wax tipped feathers failed and I spiraled back down to the harsh cold sadness that is Corporate America.

Chained to mission statements by my Blackberry, I will not be able to partake in Denny's latest bargain-y goodness:



Tim, Joel, Frank, Terrance, John, my friends, my countrymen, my compatriots, my brothers, eat a Grand Slamwich for me, your fallen friend.

Psycho for my Doughnuts

On Saturday, Bex took me to the world famous Psycho Doughnuts on Winchester in Campbell. For Walter who is too cool to read my blog, Psycho Doughnuts is one building down from Hero Comics.

Remember the SATs? Well lets try one:

Psycho Doughnuts is to Krispy Kreme as
(A) The Transformers :: The Go-bots
(B) David Cook :: David Achuleta
(C) Sean Connery :: Roger Moore
(D) Neil Patrick Harris :: Fred Savage

Got your #2 pencil? Please make sure to fill in your circle completely. Okay done?

(A) is the wrong answer. While the Transformers were definitely much cooler than their cheap knock-offs, the Go-bots, the Go-bots were always a joke. Even by Superfriends standards the Go-bot cartoons were always lame. Meanwhile the Transforms were the knockout punch on the one-two GI Joe / Transformer combination. Optimus Prime is a bad-assed 18-wheel semi. I think the main Go-bot villian was a easy-rider bike named Chopper. Pity the poor kid who showed up to the playground after Christmas with a pocket full of go-bots. Since Krispy Kreme was once cool, it should never be compared to the always sucktastic Go-bots

(B) is the wrong answer. Sure, sure, David Cook rocks the mic when compared to Archie. However the battle lines on this Idol war were drawn at puberty. No one over 14 could possible admit to being an Achuleta fan but kids will love Psycho Doughnuts.

(C) is the wrong answer. Despite popular belief, both Sean Connery and Roger Moore suck. They are both terrible terrible actors. Words can not describe how awful they are. I will blog about this later upon request, but the only thing (C) Sean Connery :: Roger Moore could be the correct answer to is Elephant Shit :: Paper Cuts

By process of elimination, the correct answer is (D) Neil Patrick Harris :: Fred Savage. You see Fred Savage used to rock in wonder years. There had been childhood stars before, but the Fred-man kicked it up a notch. Like Krispy Kreme, we eventually got tired of his overly sweet one-note nostalgia. Then NPH hit the scenes. Boy doctor. That's crazy. That's psycho. Just when we get used to the taste, NHP re-invents himself and gives us something new... just like PSYCHO DOUGHNUTS!!!!

Don't believe me? Check this out: